so it's my birthday today and we went on a 3 day canoe trip last weekend to celebrate.
despite a few unexpected bumps in the road...things were great.
to save the drama, i'll simply note that i had a horrendous migraine both the 23rd & 24th and not being able to get out of the sun while paddling back to our original site was pretty testing.
my fiance fashioned an impromptu ice-pack from submerging the headband i was wearing into the lake water and putting it around my forehead. took it like a champ until about the last hour or so where we had to head back. you really just don't want to push these things too far...
at least the food was great & the friends we tripped with brought a water filration system so that i could drink plenty of water. thank god for great people.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
next steps
well i got in!
big decisions ahead & time to really talk about what's coming next....
couldn't be happier or more excited about finishing this step, starting the next & the upcoming fall wedding. sometimes the timing just works itself out...
big decisions ahead & time to really talk about what's coming next....
couldn't be happier or more excited about finishing this step, starting the next & the upcoming fall wedding. sometimes the timing just works itself out...
Friday, June 15, 2007
thursday post bachelorette-party migraine
meh, bad enough to warrant noting.
this one was my own fault though. we went out for a friend's bachelorette until around 2/3 am and all of the insanity definitely took its toll on my head the next morning.
i downed 100mg imi with coffee and went to bed for the day...
this one was my own fault though. we went out for a friend's bachelorette until around 2/3 am and all of the insanity definitely took its toll on my head the next morning.
i downed 100mg imi with coffee and went to bed for the day...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
the recent nightmares
the nightmare right before my interview involved me meeting the students & then having our car broken into in the parking lot. while driving home to 'change my clothes' i thought someone was in the trunk and had to drive right back. pretty strange one. luckily we made it back yesterday with full, unsmashed-in car in tow, sans person in the trunk.
countless ones recently about the wedding. one where the florist never shows, one without a dress, some without music...you name it and i've now had a nightmare where it's missing or goes wrong. i've heard this also happens in pregnancy where you can dream you've had the baby and you wake up still pregnant. one can only imagine how fun those ones are...
countless ones recently about the wedding. one where the florist never shows, one without a dress, some without music...you name it and i've now had a nightmare where it's missing or goes wrong. i've heard this also happens in pregnancy where you can dream you've had the baby and you wake up still pregnant. one can only imagine how fun those ones are...
the waiting game
interviewed tuesday for the nd program at the canadian college of naturopathic medicine
should know in about two weeks...
my rant on conventional medicine and how they undertreat migraine was something i'm personally quite proud of...
should know in about two weeks...
my rant on conventional medicine and how they undertreat migraine was something i'm personally quite proud of...
Friday, June 8, 2007
thorough research produces no answers...
do we vaccinate our children? should we?
growing up in a very western-medicine innundated society i've always followed the heard (no pun intended on heard immunity) and gone along with what doctors suggested in immunization guidelines. this stopped two years ago when i stopped getting the flu shot for personal reasons following a very eye-opening set of virology lectures at the university.
i mean there's the obvious reasons (to me) why this would be a bad idea:
-failing to infect those overly susceptible to flu, are we not supporting the creation of a 'super strain' by immunizing those amongst our population that are young, healthy, and very much able to recover from flu thus not only satisfying the nature of the virus, but also allowing the natural production of longer lasting natural antibodies?
-with a quickly-mutating virus such as influenza, do we not realize that by preventing the infection of those able to handle it, we're imposing selection upon the virus to mutate in such a way as to overcome immunization & hit us harder than ever before (especially when we're overdue for a mass epidemic)?
-even when it comes to immunizing the immunosuppressed & elderly, how do we justify cost and adverse reactions when efficacy of the vaccine in these groups is around 30%.
-when it comes to life-threatening childhood illnesses (ie polio, mumps, rubella) i've always been in support of vaccination. however, new studies are surfacing over a potential correlation between sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) & the toxicity of the preservatives/vehicle of such vaccines.
-some now wait until children are older (seeing as breastfeeding alone protects newborns from illness for the first 6 months) & then choose to selectively vaccinate kids based on a case-by-case informed decision on risk vs. benefit.
what's anyone to believe? obviously having the best interests of our children at the forefront of healthcare, why is this issue such a hot topic of debate?
i can strongly say that i can make an educated decision concerning the flu shot. but in the meantime i'd be hard-pressed to have children of my own until i can figure this one out comfortably. it's hard to stand against public opinion and turn away from popular belief & hype, however it's surprisingly refreshing to think for yourself (especially in the interest of those you love most).
in short, i over-analyze everything. i guess this is just another one of those topics. at least i've come up with a weakness to address in my interview. following this recent frustration, i'm off for a run. nothing like physical exhaustion to clear your head...
growing up in a very western-medicine innundated society i've always followed the heard (no pun intended on heard immunity) and gone along with what doctors suggested in immunization guidelines. this stopped two years ago when i stopped getting the flu shot for personal reasons following a very eye-opening set of virology lectures at the university.
i mean there's the obvious reasons (to me) why this would be a bad idea:
-failing to infect those overly susceptible to flu, are we not supporting the creation of a 'super strain' by immunizing those amongst our population that are young, healthy, and very much able to recover from flu thus not only satisfying the nature of the virus, but also allowing the natural production of longer lasting natural antibodies?
-with a quickly-mutating virus such as influenza, do we not realize that by preventing the infection of those able to handle it, we're imposing selection upon the virus to mutate in such a way as to overcome immunization & hit us harder than ever before (especially when we're overdue for a mass epidemic)?
-even when it comes to immunizing the immunosuppressed & elderly, how do we justify cost and adverse reactions when efficacy of the vaccine in these groups is around 30%.
-when it comes to life-threatening childhood illnesses (ie polio, mumps, rubella) i've always been in support of vaccination. however, new studies are surfacing over a potential correlation between sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) & the toxicity of the preservatives/vehicle of such vaccines.
-some now wait until children are older (seeing as breastfeeding alone protects newborns from illness for the first 6 months) & then choose to selectively vaccinate kids based on a case-by-case informed decision on risk vs. benefit.
what's anyone to believe? obviously having the best interests of our children at the forefront of healthcare, why is this issue such a hot topic of debate?
i can strongly say that i can make an educated decision concerning the flu shot. but in the meantime i'd be hard-pressed to have children of my own until i can figure this one out comfortably. it's hard to stand against public opinion and turn away from popular belief & hype, however it's surprisingly refreshing to think for yourself (especially in the interest of those you love most).
in short, i over-analyze everything. i guess this is just another one of those topics. at least i've come up with a weakness to address in my interview. following this recent frustration, i'm off for a run. nothing like physical exhaustion to clear your head...
Thursday, June 7, 2007
speculation proclamation
amidst the chaos of thesis writing, wedding planning & the next stage of my life (naturopathy interviews) i think to myself...wow, maybe my migraines are telling me to chill out.
but why would they have been doing that when i was a child throwing my toys around with no cares in the world?
and why have some of the worst ones hit while i was in the most relaxed state of mind possible?
is it the good stress/bad stress schtick where both forms attribute to the same physiological response?
maybe we can blame this all on the advent of the magic nursary doll who's diaper, once submerged in water, would tell you the gender of the child & it's name. all of which blew our MINDS as children.
yes...maybe that's where this all started. too many great toys.
but why would they have been doing that when i was a child throwing my toys around with no cares in the world?
and why have some of the worst ones hit while i was in the most relaxed state of mind possible?
is it the good stress/bad stress schtick where both forms attribute to the same physiological response?
maybe we can blame this all on the advent of the magic nursary doll who's diaper, once submerged in water, would tell you the gender of the child & it's name. all of which blew our MINDS as children.
yes...maybe that's where this all started. too many great toys.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
before i forget: the recurrent dream trio
a half-remembered account of the dream trilogy taunting & disrupting my sleep...
[no matter where i am, no matter how the 'dream(s)' start, there's always a "cue" where i see a familiar face, child, or house that lets me know i'm at the point of no return and am back in a nightmare...]
i'll attempt to give these names.
1. {bayou}: i'm literally 'in the bayou' and all of these kids are just running around yelling in a language i can't understand. i somehow know it's my duty to bring them all into this large trailor & attempt to shuffle them inside. it gets dark. i think everyone's inside so we start playing games in the 'basement'. i hear laughing upstairs and feel like some of the kids wandered away so i go upstairs to check. they see me coming and run down to be with the others & i somehow feel a frantic urge to shut off all the lights and lock the small screen door. i successfully turn off the upstairs lights and as i go to latch the weak door, there's a small girl's black silouette standing on the other side of the screen (that's my cue where i know it's this nightmare). i'm filled with sudden panic and try to lock the door as fast as i can. but no matter how much i try, the latch is broken or too weak to hold it. i tell the girl that it's bedtime, and she can come inside tomorrow but she just stands there not saying anything. she reaches for the door & i wake up screaming but never knowing why i'm so scared or who she is.
2. {away party}: i'm in a city but i don't know where. this one is confusing because it's always a different location/different social event. somehow or other i end up in this upper apartment building squeezing by people in the crowd and trying to do certain tasks. at the end of a pretty weird party where i recognize one or two of the faces (the cue) i walk home alone. i feel like there's some urgent need for me to get back so i run to my house. walking into a huge lobby & never being able to lock the front door (i have a feeling this is one of those things you're prevented from doing in a dream state), i run downstairs. i realize that the basement is the exact layout of where i used to live in my parent's basement in germany (another cue). all of a sudden i hear footsteps in the hall upstairs. all of the lights shut out in the basement and i'm left feeling around on the floor for the cord of a lightswitch. a fax machine starts going off in the corner of the room and i'm meant to feel as if it's an urgent message telling me who's upstairs. i find a cord and reach along it trying to feel for the switch, but before i can hit the switch or reach the message, the door bursts open and i wake up screaming.
3. {writing on the wall}: i'm asleep in my bed in my parent's basement in belleville, where we lived during my dad's last military posting. i wake up, go upstairs and see my mom standing at the coffee machine (the cue). everything is normal, and everything is in the exact same place as it would be in real life. she turns around and says something that i can't hear. all of the lights then shut off and i look down into the sunken living room to see chalk-like blacklit writing on the walls. it starts off in really huge letters and decreases size as it winds around the walls and eventually ends under the living room chair. as i'm about to stick my head under the chair to read the final statement, my mom descends the staircase with fabian, a german guy i met while we were overseas & the first boyfriend i ever had. the two of them never really got along well, so it's strange to see them in the dream stomping down the stairs while holding hands. they're both staring at me without saying a word and are getting closer. there's a sick feeling of urgency for me to decode this message while they're approaching. i then wake up by sitting straight up in my bed. by this point i think to myself 'whew it was just a nightmare'. i walk upstairs, hoping to tell someone about it and see my mom at the coffee machine. the whole thing starts again.
that's enough from me for now. my eyes are watering at the remembrance of these & i'm still so tired.
[no matter where i am, no matter how the 'dream(s)' start, there's always a "cue" where i see a familiar face, child, or house that lets me know i'm at the point of no return and am back in a nightmare...]
i'll attempt to give these names.
1. {bayou}: i'm literally 'in the bayou' and all of these kids are just running around yelling in a language i can't understand. i somehow know it's my duty to bring them all into this large trailor & attempt to shuffle them inside. it gets dark. i think everyone's inside so we start playing games in the 'basement'. i hear laughing upstairs and feel like some of the kids wandered away so i go upstairs to check. they see me coming and run down to be with the others & i somehow feel a frantic urge to shut off all the lights and lock the small screen door. i successfully turn off the upstairs lights and as i go to latch the weak door, there's a small girl's black silouette standing on the other side of the screen (that's my cue where i know it's this nightmare). i'm filled with sudden panic and try to lock the door as fast as i can. but no matter how much i try, the latch is broken or too weak to hold it. i tell the girl that it's bedtime, and she can come inside tomorrow but she just stands there not saying anything. she reaches for the door & i wake up screaming but never knowing why i'm so scared or who she is.
2. {away party}: i'm in a city but i don't know where. this one is confusing because it's always a different location/different social event. somehow or other i end up in this upper apartment building squeezing by people in the crowd and trying to do certain tasks. at the end of a pretty weird party where i recognize one or two of the faces (the cue) i walk home alone. i feel like there's some urgent need for me to get back so i run to my house. walking into a huge lobby & never being able to lock the front door (i have a feeling this is one of those things you're prevented from doing in a dream state), i run downstairs. i realize that the basement is the exact layout of where i used to live in my parent's basement in germany (another cue). all of a sudden i hear footsteps in the hall upstairs. all of the lights shut out in the basement and i'm left feeling around on the floor for the cord of a lightswitch. a fax machine starts going off in the corner of the room and i'm meant to feel as if it's an urgent message telling me who's upstairs. i find a cord and reach along it trying to feel for the switch, but before i can hit the switch or reach the message, the door bursts open and i wake up screaming.
3. {writing on the wall}: i'm asleep in my bed in my parent's basement in belleville, where we lived during my dad's last military posting. i wake up, go upstairs and see my mom standing at the coffee machine (the cue). everything is normal, and everything is in the exact same place as it would be in real life. she turns around and says something that i can't hear. all of the lights then shut off and i look down into the sunken living room to see chalk-like blacklit writing on the walls. it starts off in really huge letters and decreases size as it winds around the walls and eventually ends under the living room chair. as i'm about to stick my head under the chair to read the final statement, my mom descends the staircase with fabian, a german guy i met while we were overseas & the first boyfriend i ever had. the two of them never really got along well, so it's strange to see them in the dream stomping down the stairs while holding hands. they're both staring at me without saying a word and are getting closer. there's a sick feeling of urgency for me to decode this message while they're approaching. i then wake up by sitting straight up in my bed. by this point i think to myself 'whew it was just a nightmare'. i walk upstairs, hoping to tell someone about it and see my mom at the coffee machine. the whole thing starts again.
that's enough from me for now. my eyes are watering at the remembrance of these & i'm still so tired.
tired. always tired, getting worse.
jun.5: more tired today and the last couple of days than i have been in a long time. i think the weekend episode really burnt me out. can't drink more than one cup of coffee anymore to stay awake...getting migraines & nightmares. plan for the day....chill out around the apartment, play some good music, and chip away at my thesis whether conscious or in lucid dreams...
Saturday, June 2, 2007
another 2-days of pain
so yesterday (jun1) and today have been rediculous.
i think coffee yesterday morning and the impending thunder storm tonight led to a caffeine imposed/pressure-induced strike.
started yesterday around noon while at a co-worker's going-away lunch, came home, started the ice/bath routine, led to 100mg imitrex & bed. crawled out around midnight and fiance drove me to get oranges, as they sometimes help. a tad weird, but interesting.
back to bed last night around 1, woke up around 3am from the pain (imitrex didn't hold it down for very long...maybe 3 hrs this time). stumbled to bathroom at 3:30 after tossing and turning. felt for imitrex, downed another 100mg with handfuls of water. took ice back to bed. up at 8am, called friend & cancelled our yoga session we were going to do to raise money for cancer research (would have been fun), back to bed until 2pm.
got up, ate eggs/toast/cereal fiance had made, drove outside for coffee (as it sometimes helps), more ice, another bath, got dressed. headache throughout, although now dull...trying to focus on thesis writing & getting enough energy for friend & her husband's bbq tonight. bringing fruit juice, no drinking...def. NO drinking.
got an interview for naturopathic med school yesterday amongst a migraine. it's only too ironic.
i think coffee yesterday morning and the impending thunder storm tonight led to a caffeine imposed/pressure-induced strike.
started yesterday around noon while at a co-worker's going-away lunch, came home, started the ice/bath routine, led to 100mg imitrex & bed. crawled out around midnight and fiance drove me to get oranges, as they sometimes help. a tad weird, but interesting.
back to bed last night around 1, woke up around 3am from the pain (imitrex didn't hold it down for very long...maybe 3 hrs this time). stumbled to bathroom at 3:30 after tossing and turning. felt for imitrex, downed another 100mg with handfuls of water. took ice back to bed. up at 8am, called friend & cancelled our yoga session we were going to do to raise money for cancer research (would have been fun), back to bed until 2pm.
got up, ate eggs/toast/cereal fiance had made, drove outside for coffee (as it sometimes helps), more ice, another bath, got dressed. headache throughout, although now dull...trying to focus on thesis writing & getting enough energy for friend & her husband's bbq tonight. bringing fruit juice, no drinking...def. NO drinking.
got an interview for naturopathic med school yesterday amongst a migraine. it's only too ironic.
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