......................

worst on in awhile last night
2 baths, 3 mugs lavender tea, 1 massage, 100mg imitrex, icepacks
and a whole lot of crying.

napping on the other side of the bed

i'm rediculously tired today. i mean, im usually exhausted on a good day but today it's so much more. i can barely stay awake and it's only mid afternoon.

oh and before i forget, they've upped my amytrip 5 mg.

connection? you be the judge.
upon telling my neurologist that the meds make me tired i get this:

neurologist: "well are you so tired you're falling asleep in the middle of talking to someone?"
me: "like narcolepsy? no. but after a 9 hr sleep i come home mid-afternoon from work to nap"
neurologist: "i'd like to up your medication"
me: "but i'm telling you. i'm unable to function due to being exhausted because of it"
neurologist: "well how about we up it. how's that?"
me: (blank stare of disbelief)
neurologist: "now how about i see you in another 3 months"
me: "well i'm getting married and moving to toronto soon. i'll probably change doctors"
neurologist: "yep. so 3 months it is then. bye"

it's not my utter frustration and over-medicated dissatisfaction with life that gets to me, it's the fact that our tax money pays these bastards. in the event that they look up once from their diagnosis-in-a-box computer screen they may actually hear a word you're saying.

maybe it's too much to ask. alas, i nap.

a little break

yesterday & today so far have been great pain-free days.
it's sometimes a blessing-in-disguise to live in chronic pain because when it's momentarily gone you feel so enriched with life.
i'm in the middle of 3 great books. i wish i could make a living reading.

a gorgeous day pain free

i woke up sans migraine!
we met friends at the wild oat for a goodbye-tea for a friend who's doing a 1 month arctic cruise...then we spent another lazy afternoon in the market & are headed to another couple's house tonight for a summer bbq...
it's incredible when you can fully be present to enjoy a day!
i actually got the 'under your feet-tickle excitement' about today knowing i wouldn't get a migraine. woo hoo!

recent challenges & a little breakthrough

it's been awhile since i've noted any migraines...but my absence from the computer is in part due to how many i've been having lately. i can't remember all of them (since i've stopped writing them on the calendar) but there's a few that get honorable mentions:

-last weekend we went on our 5th camping trip this season (in part due to how we double wedding planning with camping to retain our sanity). sandbanks was completely full so we ended up at ferris. the park was isolated and we were hidden deep in the forest this time, complete with a raccoon staring us down before dinner. it was okay during the night (being the first warm night camping of the season) but when i woke up, i think i did something to my neck during the night which expressed itself in my head. i had one of the worst migraines of the year (which is pretty bad considering most of them are excruciating). i was unable to pack up, and seeing as we had meetings with vendors late that afternoon we had to get moving. i ended up locking myself in the backseat of the car to lay down since being passed out outside was leaving the mosquitos to have their way with me. i had a shower 1/2 dressed since i was passing out and had to drive 1/2 sleeping in the car while the imitrex took a good 4 hrs to kick in. our meetings went well afterall, we took it easy that afternoon, but all in all it was another one of those epic episodes to remember...

-this weekend is rough as well. i just thank god we have NOTHING going on for once. yesterday i had a rough one coming on, and following a 1 hr neck massage by my fiance (supportive in the best & worst of times) i took 2 baths and ended up in bed early with a beanbag heat pack around my neck. the pain from my neck & head combined was so bad that the pain was radiating down my shoulder, elbow and fingers for most of the night. i downed a huge amount of water, slathered on the peppermint stick and passed out. i was successful in staying of the meds. this morning i overslept a bit and it's been taking a tole on me ever since.

-today, happily with nothing to do, S and I went to the market. we got coffee/tea and he sketched as i read and just relaxed. we got rained out so just went to the fruit/veg market to get some things for dinner and have been really focussing on relaxing all afternoon. in my traditional medicine book i found some new approaches to migraine relief & got a chance to try a few since today the pain is pretty bad. i got a mixture of lavender, spearmint & rosemerry tea (to try tonight -- lavender indicated as a migraine relief aid) & am currently boiling whole cinnamon on low to calm down the environment around here. i've had a few minutes over the steam which has helped momentarily clear my head. i also found some concentrated ginger cubes which S and i sucked out outdoors (again, always a good sport) while walking around and my headache went away for a good 45 min! the ginger was strong and hard to tolerate, but the effects were surprisingly brilliant. i'm set to have another soak tonight, put on some comfy clothes, make some great dinner & focus on relieving my migraine through stress-relief & comfort. the great thing about being in pain almost every day is the opportunistic chance to experiment on yourself! i have to admit, the ginger felt like a breakthrough & if anything, cancelling all plans this weekend felt good for the soul.

oh yeah, and on friday i handed in the whole 1st draft of my thesis to my supervisor. as dad would say...through adversity to the stars.